


Too Good To Be Good For Me

by fortunate_cookie



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Boys Kissing, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Humor, M/M, References to Depression, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Wizards
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-06 21:21:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16840642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fortunate_cookie/pseuds/fortunate_cookie
Summary: Harry Potter fought and won in a war, only now he's fighting his own battle. When he spots Draco Malfoy across the Great Hall sitting alone, he starts to feel like he won.





	Too Good To Be Good For Me

**Author's Note:**

> who writes a whole other fic instead of updating the one she said she would for a whole year? you guessed it.

Someone was screaming. 

Harry Potter felt hands shoving and grabbing at him in the pitch black of his conscious. So he tried fighting those hands off. He twisted and turned and swung in every direction. He struggled to fight off the attacker and he used whatever strength he could summon, then he felt in an instant that his throat was painfully sore. Suddenly he couldn’t breathe and this made him panic, and as he struggled to gasp for any breath of air he could get, he opened his eyes. 

The first thing Harry noticed was that his throat was still painfully sore. The second thing was that Ron Weasley was standing above him, looking at him like he was a wild animal ready to attack him at any moment. He looked around the room wildly and remember he was at the Burrow. 

Harry exhaled heavily. 

Ron still had a firm grip on Harry’s shoulder’s and it took Harry several seconds to piece together the events that just occurred. 

“Mate? Are-”, Ron began but Harry cut him off with a withering look. 

“Please don’t finish that sentence” 

_Are you okay?_

Harry had heard enough of that after the war and Ron of all people should understand not to ask him that. 

Ron looked guilty for a nanosecond but then his brow furrowed and he exhaled heavily through his nose. He released his best friend from the hard grip he had on him. The fiery haired boy sat down on the edge of the bed beside Harry. He glanced at him from his peripherals and sighed, "I know you’re not al-...we all-..”, he tried. Ron inhaled once and turned to Harry, "I was just making sure you knew that you were back here. That you weren’t...that it’s really over”, and with that Ron Weasley got up and went back to his bed on the other side of the room. 

Harry exhaled shakily and ran a hand through his sweat soaked hair. He grimaced realizing his entire body was covered in sweat. He cast a Tempus spell and saw that it was just after three in the morning. He dismissed the spell and lay on his back, breathing slowly and deeply. Harry now knew three things. 

One, he was having another nightmare. 

Two, Ron Weasley was trying to wake him up from aforementioned nightmare. 

And three, the war is over but there is still a battle that Harry Potter has to fight. 

\--- 

The idea of an 8th year for the students whose 7th year was stolen from them, at first, seemed like a good idea. But now standing here in the Great Hall, memories of a war still fresh in the way the windows looked too new, the stone walls having been charred black, markings of forbidden spells that missed students by an inch, and Minerva McGonagall standing in the place of Albus Dumbledore. Harry felt a pang of sadness in his chest as he looked around. 

McGonagall proposed the idea and when she saw Harry Potter over tea one day during the summer, he looked hesitant but excited. She saw a young man still grieving, could see the panic mixed with sorrow still lingering in his emerald eyes. She smiled a small smile and told him to go and spend time with the Weasley’s and enjoy the rest of him summer. He nodded once, his shoulders slouched slightly, and his walk out the door quick as if he’s still that young boy on the run from a force he thought he could never escape. 

She looks out into the crowd and spots him sitting with Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley. Ms. Granger looks the most excited about the return to Hogwarts chatting away happily to the freckled boy beside her. He looks at her slightly annoyed but endeared all the same. Harry Potter is staring at seemingly nothing, lost in thought. McGonagall frowns the slightest of a fraction before she cast a Sonorous charm and begins the sorting hat ceremony. 

Harry startles into reality when the boom of McGonagall’s voice fills the Hall. Ron chuckles at him and tells him with a smile that sorting has begun. The raven-haired boy returns it but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. The ceremony goes as usual. Harry clapped when necessary but did not cheer when everyone else did. 

After the ceremony, McGonagall begins her speech about how happy she is that Hogwarts has reopened and that she hopes this year will be promising one. Harry tunes her out after a while. He looks around at the table and sees some familiar faces. He sees Neville, sitting a little straighter, gaze a lot stronger. Then he glances around some more seeing Dean Thomas, Padma and Parvati Patil sitting close to each other as if afraid the other would disappear any moment. He sees Ginny Weasley sitting next to Neville and his heart squeezes painfully in his chest.

He couldn’t give Ginny what she deserved. He loves her, but not in the way that she loves Harry. He quickly glances away before she notices and begins to hope for something that Harry knows he can’t give her. 

Harry turns his gaze to Hall around him and he sees Luna Lovegood looking as quirky as ever. He almost smiles seeing nothing much has changed about Luna, she’s got that same glossy eyed look and same knowing smile that never leaves her lips. Movement behind Luna’s head makes Harry turn his gaze to it. He frowns seeing the reason. 

Draco Malfoy is sat at the Slytherin table, only he is alone. Blaise Zabini, Pansy Parkinson, Theodore Nott and a few others are there too only they are sitting far from Malfoy. No one is sat next to him and it’s as if everyone there is pretending he doesn’t exist. Harry notices his head hangs a little lower, his grey eyes unfocused and the fire in them burned out. Harry sees his hair is just a bit longer, the ends curling up around his ears and the candle light behind him making a halo around his platinum blonde hair.

The raven-haired boy notices that Malfoy doesn’t slick his hair with product anymore, it looks like it’s styled with quick, shaky hands run through it once, and a few strands fall gracefully over his pale face. Malfoy’s face is less pointy now and more defined, as if he finally grew into his features. Harry sees his brow furrow and his emerald gaze is pulled to a grey one. He can see the initial shock in Malfoy’s eyes that then turn into confusion and anger. He nearly jumps when Malfoy tears his gaze away. 

Confused at his own actions and obvious staring, Harry frowns and turns his focus back to the front where McGonagall makes an announcement that makes the heart in Harry’s chest drop into his stomach 

\--- 

“I still can’t believe we have to share a common room, let alone dorms with Slytherins!” 

“I thought that everyone in that lot would run away or go into hiding!” 

“I don’t even think enough came back to even be considered a house” 

Harry listens to his friends complain and object McGonagall's proposal. She explained something about inter house friendships and that everyone should at least try and give this a shot. She put all of the returning students who fought together in the war up in the northern tower of the castle, and everyone is assigned rooms regardless of their house. It seems like a madman’s idea. But Harry has already dealt with a madman before. 

He thinks he gets what she’s trying to do. After the war, who would want to be in Slytherin after all? But, Harry realizes that prejudiced against a house is not going to solve anything. After all, it was Slytherins who saved his life. Twice. 

“What do you think Harry?” 

The question addressed to him shocked him out of his ponderings. 

“What?”, he asks anyway. 

“I said what do you think?”, Seamus Finnigan asks him again. 

Harry frowns for the umpteenth time that day and responds quietly, “I don’t really mind”. 

If anyone was shocked by Harry Potter not minding sharing a house with Slytherins they did not hesitate to show it. 

“WHAT?” 

“Are you serious Harry?” 

A few more people chimed in, clearly thinking that the savior of the wizarding world would agree with their dislike of a certain house. 

Harry sighed and turned to his friend's, "I think I’m going to go for a walk”. 

Hermione smiled sadly at her best friend and nodded while rubbing his back softly. Ron gave him a firm squeeze on his bicep. Harry huffed out something of a short chuckle and left the common room. He does like the idea of a common room shared with the people who had to fight for their lives, for their loved one’s lives. He thinks it could bring a sense of togetherness and belonging. Harry knows what it feels like to finally belong somewhere, to actually feel like you deserve to be somewhere. 

He walks down the empty corridors and lets his feet carry him to wherever they feel like going. Apparently tonight they felt like going to the Astronomy Tower, because that is where Harry finds himself several minutes later. He didn’t bother putting on the invisibility cloak he managed to keep safe all this time. However it was a harsh, cold night in Scotland so Harry used it anyway as a means of warmth, forgetting he could just cast a warming charm on himself. 

He sat at the edge, his legs dangling dangerously over. The Boy-Who-Lived-Twice pondered what would happen should he accidentally fall. Maybe he swung his legs a bit too hard and slipped or maybe he leaned over to get a good look at the stars and that was his demise? He chuckled humorlessly at his morbid imagination. He was just about to come up with another scenario of his death when he heard shouting and muffled thumps. Harry thought about going to investigate what was happening and strained his ears to make out what was being said. 

“You don’t belong here!” 

“What makes you think you can come back here after everything you and your family has done!?” 

Harry’s eyes widened at what he heard from the unfamiliar voices. 

He heard one loud, echoing slap of a hand on skin and jerked upright. Just as he was about to head toward the commotion, he heard footsteps coming up the staircase and froze for a split second before tossing the cloak over his body, covering him completely. His breath catches in his throat at the sight of platinum blonde hair slowly coming up into view. Harry sees Draco Malfoy walking toward him, obvious red mark blooming on his otherwise flawless, pale cheek.

Malfoy’s face is unreadable, his lips are set into a taught line and his silver eyes are duller than before. He’s wearing something different than before in the Hall, a surprisingly oversized plain black knit sweater (Harry wonders if there is such a thing sold in the wizarding world) and black silk pajama bottoms. Harry watches as Malfoy winces with every cautious step he takes. Malfoy’s hair looks uncharacteristically rumpled yet the Slytherin pays it no mind. He looks to Harry’s direction, his silver gaze set right onto an emerald one. It nearly knocks the breath out of Harry, seeing the boy that he’s hated for seven years look so undoubtedly defeated right in this moment. 

Harry knows he can't see him but he still panics for a split second before holding his breath, trying not to let the blonde know he’s there. He wouldn’t want to be seen in such a vulnerable state by someone whom he once loathed with all of his being. Malfoy walks to where Harry is perched on the balcony. Harry sees him let out a shaky breath before walking closer to the edge and looks up to the starry sky. The raven-haired boy gasps when he realizes that Malfoy is going to jump. 

Malfoy is going to jump. He’s going to jump and lay where Dumbledore once did. Harry jolts into action, throwing the cloak off and yelling at the blonde close to him. 

“Stop!”, Harry all but screams. 

The blonde is so startled that he jerks backwards and falls right into the Gryffindor’s chest with a hard thump, his head knocking right into Harry’s face making the raven-haired boy cry out in shock and pain. He yelps and flinches away from Harry as if burned. He whips his head around to face Harry and Harry flushes at the flame coming to life before him in that gunmetal gaze. 

“Potter!?”, Malfoy snarls. 

“Malfoy! You! You you-you were...I thought...I was just trying to sa-”, Harry begins in a rush before Malfoy steps so close to him Harry can feel the heat radiating from the boy before him. He looks at Malfoy with rumpled hair that suits him better than it should, and oversized knit sweater that hangs delicately off his shoulders, the moonlight bouncing off of pale skin. Harry flushes a second time but it’s for different reasons unknown to Harry at the moment. 

“Do. Not. Finish. That. Sentence”, the blonde snaps back, quick and harsh. 

Harry opens his mouth to retort but Malfoy glares daggers into his eyes. 

“You were what? Trying to save me?”, Malfoy scoffs with no trace of humor in his voice. “Believe it or not, I was not about to jump off the fucking tower”. Harry winces as the blonde pokes harshly at his chest. His confused look has the Slytherin sneer at him, “I just wanted some fresh fucking air after...” but he trails off, catching himself before he lets slip of the previous events. 

Harry sees the way Malfoy tries to stop himself but he already knows too much and instead he apologizes. 

“Sorry. I just...I just thought” 

“Yes well, you thought wrong Potter” 

A beat of silence before Harry asks him, "Who...what happened just now?”. Malfoy tilts his head in his direction and responds in a curt manner, "Just getting what I deserve I suppose”. Harry frowns at the blonde’s response. The Gryffindor goes back to sitting to where he was, feet dangling dangerously. 

Draco Malfoy regards him with slight discomfort. He sends the back of the raven-haired boy one last glare before he turns to leave. He begins to walk away before he hears something that makes him nearly trip over nothing from stopping so abruptly. 

“You didn’t deserve that” 

Malfoy feels his face heat up with a mixture of anger, guilt, and shame. There is a squeezing sensation in his chest cavity where he supposes his heart would be. He ignores it, for now. 

The blonde leaves the tower and Harry Potter sits staring into the night sky, only he sees visions of shiny platinum hair and intense, grey eyes. He feels his face pink slightly, but only this time he thinks he might know why. 

\--- 

The Great Hall is buzzing with excited chatter and the smell of breakfast glides through the air. Harry is sitting at the Gryffindor table nibbling on a scone, not really paying attention to the flavor. He’s lost in the memories of the previous night. 

_An hour or two after Malfoy went back to what Harry assumes was the 8th year boy’s dorm, he made his way there too. He sees Ron sitting with Hermione squashed together on a loveseat. They’re whispering sweet nothings to one another and Hermione huffs out an exasperated laugh but it’s laced with something akin to endearment._

_“Harry! You’re back”, Hermione smiles up at him._

_Harry returns it feebly and nods. Ron looks at him, a question in his eyes but it never comes. The raven-haired boy lets out a breath._

_“I’m going to head up. Ron, are our things already up?”, he asks._

_The red-head nods, “Yeah they said they assigned our rooms”, he grins adding, "I'll head up later, alright mate?”._

_Harry returned the grin and it felt a little more real._

_The Gryffindor snorts then heads up the stair case towards his and most likely Ron’s room. His mind is more tired than his body and Harry is more than a little ready to jump into his four-poster bed. The castle helps him find his room, the gentle pushes of its magic lead Harry to where he’s supposed to be. He opens the door and the air is promptly knocked out of his lungs._

_Draco Malfoy is in the middle of the room._

Harry is shaken from his thoughts by Ron laughing boisterously beside him. The bespectacled boy sighs deeply and goes back to nibbling on his scone. He chances a glance at the table on the opposite side of the Hall. He doesn’t know why he’s looking, only he does and it causes something in his stomach to twist uncomfortably. He sees Malfoy, sitting alone again, looking at his breakfast in a bored manner. Harry and Malfoy didn’t speak at all in the room, Malfoy flat out ignored him and promptly went to his bed and feigned sleep. 

He frowns at the memory remembering the blooming bruise on Malfoy’s face. This makes him search for it on the blonde, but not seeing one. He wonders if Malfoy went to the infirmary or if he covered it up with some sort of spell. Harry hope it’s the former. His gaze meets Malfoy’s and the blonde’s grey eyes widen a fraction before his brows furrow and he breaks whatever interaction this was. Harry can see Malfoy struggling to look like he doesn’t know Harry is still staring at him and the raven-haired boy chuckles at the blonde fidgeting in his seat.

He doesn’t really know why he’s looking at him still, but he thinks he’s enjoying it nonetheless. Malfoy defiantly turns his gaze back to Harry and the Gryffindor feels his face heat up at that same fire burning in Malfoy’s eyes. This is what he wants to see in his former rivals' eyes; passion, anger, something. 

Breakfast is signaled over and Hermione ushers Harry and Ron to Potions that they share with the other returning students. For once, Harry is looking forward to class. 

\--- 

Slughorn is back. 

This is first thing Harry realizes when he walks into the classroom. The second is that he forgot how much he doesn’t like Potions class. 

Hermione looks overjoyed, Ron is grimacing, and Harry is looking for a head of platinum blonde hair. He spots it and is unsurprised to find no one beside him. Harry glances at his friends, debating on whether or not he should just do it and risk ridicule which, he doesn’t think he’ll care about anyway. Slughorn makes the choice for him. 

“Welcome back returning students! I suppose I should call you the 8th year students?” Slughorn laughs loudly at himself. “I see some of my familiar bright stars have returned!” the wizard grins unnaturally big, "starting from today you will be in assigned pairs by order of Headmistress McGonagall for the inter house unity!”. Several groans and angered mumblings fill the room. Slughorn waves a dismissive hand and starts calling out the pairs. 

“Weasley, you’ll be with Zabini” 

“Granger you with Nott” 

“Longbottom, you’re with Ms. Parkinson!” 

Neville looks less nervous than he would have been but Hary can still see the way the brunette's hands clench at his sides. Harry flinches at sound of his name being called out. 

“Mr. Potter! Welcome back my dear boy! You will be Mr. Malfoy’s partner”, the old wizard bellows out. 

Malfoy’s shoulders noticeably tense from where he is seated. Harry tries to swallow but his throat is too dry. The Gryffindor makes his way towards the blonde, the tension in the room palpable. The room feels too quiet for Harry and he feels like everyone is looking at him and when the raven-haired boy turns back, no one is. He glances at Malfoy and shifts in his seat. The blonde lets out a sharp breath through his nose and meets Harry’s gaze. Harry offers him a very small smile and he can the blonde’s lips twitch. He bites his bottom lip to keep from saying something stupid like hello. 

Slughorn is having them brew some potion that makes the user’s skin be able to withstand intense heat. Harry has no idea what he’s doing as he was too distracted from the way Malfoy kept tapping his quill against his mouth, resulting in a spot of ink staining just below his bottom lip. The Gryffindor can’t stop staring at Malfoy’s lips now, and he’s begun to notice things he wishes he didn’t just so he could concentrate on the goddamn task at hand. He’s begun to notice the way Malfoy bites his bottom lip while he concentrates and the way he frowns when he writes something down on his parchment. And that’s probably important and Harry forgot what he was supposed to do. 

“Um, Malfoy?”, Harry whispers. 

The blonde hums in acknowledgement and Harry takes it as a signal to continue, “What was I supposed to do again?”. Malfoy directs his attention to the boy beside him, his mouth turning into that signature sneer, "Potter are you really that daft or are you just trying to sabotage our potion!?” Harry ignores the flutter of something in his stomach at the thought of Malfoy actually calling the potion “theirs” considering Harry has done next to nothing. He smiles apologetically, “I..just forgot what I was supposed to do. I got distracted just for a second”.

Malfoy scoffs indignantly and slides the potions book towards Harry, long pale fingers gliding to point to what exactly it is he is to do. The Gryffindor gives the Slytherin a sheepish grin in return, making the blonde’s mouth twitch again. 

Harry notices the action anyway and his emerald eyes shine with mirth when they meet cool, grey ones. He momentarily forgets where he is when he scans the blonde’s face, emerald eyes travel to the nonexistent bruise on the smooth, pale skin in front of him. There is flush of pretty pink on the apples of Malfoy’s cheeks instead, and Harry exhales softly. 

The rest of class goes on without either speaking to the other. 

They mess up the potion because of Harry. Malfoy isn’t as angry as he should be. 

\--- 

“So how are you holding up mate?”, Ron inquires while shoveling food into his mouth. 

Harry notices Hermione roll her eyes at the red-heads horrible table manners but she says nothing and looks to Harry for his answer. The raven-haired boy sends her a bemused look before shrugging at his friend. 

“It’s fine. He doesn’t talk much”, Harry sighs. 

Ron’s eyebrows raise into his fiery hairline and he lets out a snort. “Sure, and I am going to ace my NEWT’s this year”. Harry shakes his head, "No he really doesn’t. Like, he doesn’t actually speak at all. It’s like I’m not even there”. He can’t help the frown that his lips form and Ron notices this and leans in swallowing his food, "That's great though isn’t it? ‘M surprised you two haven’t tried to hex each other’s bollocks off!”. 

Harry shrugs again and goes back to picking at his food. It’s dinner time and he looks for the familiar head of platinum blonde hair and spots it. Malfoy looks like he’s not eating much either and for some reason this makes Harry frown. He’s been frowning a lot lately when it comes to Malfoy but this is nothing new. The Slytherin suddenly stands up and walks out of the Great Hall. Harry’s eyes widen and he tells his friends in a rush breath that he’s tired and is going back to the dorm. Ron looks surprised while Hermione looks suspicious but both nod at Harry and he bids them good night. 

He walks quickly out of the Great Hall trying to catch up with Malfoy. Harry thinks he has an idea as to where exactly the Slytherin is headed. His breath is coming out in short huffs and his fast walk quickly turns into a jog. 

Harry Potter is running after Draco Malfoy. He guesses not much has changed after the war. 

He slows his jog back to its original quick walk when he nears the tower and he sees a flash of blonde. For reasons he wouldn’t like to think about, his heart beats a bit quicker at that. 

He heads up the stairs and is faintly relieved he was right about Malfoy coming here. 

“Malfoy”, the raven-haired boy starts. 

The Slytherin jumps and whips around to face Harry, shock painting his features. “Potter? What the hell are you doing here? Stalking me again are you?” Malfoy looks slightly angered. Harry shakes his head, "Maybe I just wanted to look at the bloody stars? I didn’t know you would be here”. The lie isn’t fooling either of them but Malfoy just narrows his grey eyes and huffs out an annoyed breath. 

“Well leave me alone. I was here first”, he sneers before turning his back to Harry. 

The Gryffindor chuckles, "The moon is big tonight”. He goes to stand beside Malfoy and looks up. Grey eyes regard him with annoyance. “Why are you here?” Harry sighs before turning his gaze to Malfoy and he inhales the tiniest bit. Malfoy’s hair is glowing from the light of the moon, strands looking like platinum silk. But what he notices is that there is something blooming again on Malfoy’s cheek. He thinks maybe it never left. 

“Malfoy. What happened to your cheek?”, he blurts out. 

The blonde’s eyes widen,”Shit!”, before a pale hand quickly shoots up to cover the bruise, “nothing concerning you Potter”. His grey eyes look panicked for a single beat before they harden. 

Harry’s eyes narrow. “Who did that to you? I could let McGonagall know and you wouldn’t have to use charms to cover it up. I really think you should see Madam Pomfrey for that-” Malfoy cuts him off. 

“POTTER! I don’t need to tell you anything and I don’t need you-your help! I’m not someone you need to save!”, he screams. 

The raven-haired boy is taken aback at the outburst. He flinches at the volume of the blonde’s voice and then at the harsh words he throws at him. “I-I’m not trying to save you! I just wanted to help!”. 

This seems to be the wrong thing to say because the next thing Harry feels is his back being shoved onto cold, hard stone. His body hits the stone with a hard thud and he squeezes his eyes shut at the obvious punch coming his way. 

Only it never does. 

Emerald eyes open to see Draco Malfoy looking at him as if he’s never seen anything like him in the world. There’s confusion, anger, and sadness swimming in the grey irises of the blonde in front of him. He’s got his hands fisted into the front of Harry’s robes and he has yet to let go. Harry can feel the warm breath of Malfoy hitting his cheeks, and it makes the fluttering that’s been happening return with a vengeance. 

“Don’t do that”, the blonde whispers. 

Harry swallows thickly, "Do what?” 

“Be kind to me”, Malfoy is still whispering and anyone else would have had to strain to listen but Harry heard him, their close proximity allowing that. The raven-haired boy furrows his brow, his emerald eyes swimming with confusion. 

“Why?”, he asks. 

The blonde loosens his grip on Harry’s robes and drops his chin to his chest. “If you’re kind to me, then that would make me weak.” 

“That...doesn’t make any sense.”, the raven-haired boy says slowly. 

He can see Malfoy’s body tense and then the blonde is looking at him with grey eyes full of a burning fire. The intensity of the heat makes Harry shrink back from the blonde, genuinely afraid of what the blonde might do next. He really doesn’t fancy a broken nose again. 

“You’re not listening to me Potter! Just leave me the fuck alone and stop pretending that-that you care about anything that happens to me!” he screams, voice wavering at each word. 

This time the flush on Harry’s cheeks are from anger. “Don’t you think you can tell me who to care about! I’m not pretending about anything! Merlin Malfoy would you stop being a fucking prick and let me-someone worry about you!” 

Malfoy raises a hand to likely slap Harry but Harry catches his wrist in time and then they’re pushing and shoving at each other. The blonde kicks the other’s legs out from under him and they both go down in a flurry of black robes. Harry shoves Malfoy off of him and he jumps to pin the blonde down but at the same time Malfoy grabs at him and the meet in the middle. Malfoy manages to somewhat punch Harry in the jaw but his aim was off and he only manages to clip him. This gives Harry some time to shove the blonde onto his back. Malfoy hits the floor hard and winces. Harry quickly uses both of his hands to pin the blonde’s wrist beside his head. 

They’re both breathing hard and Malfoy looks like he’s done for the night. He makes no move to shove Harry off of him. Harry exhales loudly before staring at the boy beneath him. His wrists are thin and Harry can wrap his entire hand around them. He can feel the sting of the bruise beneath the skin on his jaw where Malfoy clipped him but he ignores it. 

“And if I keep being kind to you?”, the raven-haired boy breathes out. 

Malfoy stares at him like he’s grown six more heads. He looks at Harry, trying to see if the boy above him is playing some sort of trick. Harry thinks the blonde finds what he’s looking for because he can see for the first time ever, Malfoy is smiling. He’s smiling genuinely. It’s small, only the tilt of his mouth gives it away, and if it were anyone else they wouldn’t have noticed anything. But Harry noticed, he always does. 

“Then that would make me weak”, the blonde replies. 

“It wouldn’t. It would just make you human”, Harry does smile this time. 

“How would everyone react if I were suddenly so civil to you Potter? They would think I were plotting your demise”, he chuckles humorlessly before muttering,”..everyone already hates me as it is”. 

Harry frowns and he’s noticed he’s still straddling Malfoy. He blushes furiously and hops off the blonde. The Slytherin smirks as he sits up but there’s still a trace of sadness in his grey eyes. Harry scoots to where Malfoy is still sitting and crosses his legs, the fronts of their knees touching. 

“I don’t hate you”, he mutters. 

The blonde huffs out a breathless laugh,”Yes that’s great. Savior of the Wizarding World doesn’t hate me! A filthy Death Eater scum!! I should be so lucky” 

The raven-haired boy rolls his eyes and frowns. “Don’t say that. You’re not...you’re not a Death Eater. You told them it wasn’t me, back in the Mansion”. The blonde flinches at the mention of his former home and Harry notices. He almost reaches out for the blonde but instead he digs his fingernails into his palms. He remembers the look of recognition on the blonde’s face when Malfoy walked in. He remembers the fear in the blonde’s grey eyes when they made eye contact. And he remembers his heart soaring when Malfoy told them he could not be sure as to who he was. 

“I suppose I did, didn’t I?”, there is a faraway look on the blonde’s face. 

“Do you hate me?”, Harry asks after a beat of silence. Because he’s been wondering this. He wonders if he’s trying to become friends with a boy who still hates who he is. There’s a painful stab in his chest and Harry tries to ignore it. 

Malfoy looks at him then. He stares at him with calculating grey eyes and then he lets out a small chuckle while looking at their touching knees. 

Harry doesn’t know why he did what he did next, but later he would be glad that he did. He leans forward until their foreheads touch. Malfoy flinches in shock but surprisingly doesn’t move. They aren’t looking at each other rather at each other’s crosses legs with the tops of their foreheads touching. 

“Do you?”, Harry asks again. 

The stark contrast of their hair is intertwined, raven black curls hugging platinum blonde strands. Harry steals a quick glance at Malfoy before he has time to process how close their faces would be if Malfoy looked up to. 

“I don’t”, he finally says. 

Harry can’t keep the genuine smile from spreading on his face and if he looked up he would see the small, but just as genuine grin on Malfoy’s face. 

\--- 

They head up together back to the dorms. An awkward but amicable silence hangs between them as they walk. 

It’s late and no one is in the common room when they walk in. They both head to their shared dorm. They change into their pajamas with their back turned to each other but Harry steals a glance and his entire face grows hot. Malfoy’s back is very defined and the muscles twitch with every movement of his arms. Harry thanks Merlin that Malfoy already changed into his bottoms or else he would be having to be question things he doesn’t think he’s ready to think about. 

They undress in silence. Malfoy doesn’t tell him good night. 

Harry draws the curtains with a wave of his wand and tries to sleep. He forgets to cast the Silencing Charm he always does, just in case he has another nightmare. 

He realizes he forgot to do this because the next thing he feels is someone shaking him violently and then he hears Malfoy’s voice yelling his name over the loud screaming. Who was screaming? 

“Potter! POTTER! WAKE UP! Oh Merlin fuck this!” 

Harry feels freezing cold water all over him and bolts upright. 

“What the fuck!?”, Harry yelps his eyes wide with shock and confusion. 

He sees Draco Malfoy standing over him, wand drawn and a look of pure panic on his face. 

“Malfoy? What the bloody hell did you do that for!?”, Harry asks teeth beginning to chatter. 

“What did-Potter! Your fucking blood curdling screaming is what I did that for!”, the blonde yells. “You wouldn’t wake up! You were thrashing and I couldn’t wake you up!”. He looks shaken up and his grey eyes were wide and shining. 

Harry feels his face burn with embarrassment and he looks for his wand before he realizes he can’t see. He summoned his wand then accioed his glasses and casts a drying spell on himself. He’s still shaking only it’s not from the water and he thinks Malfoy knows that too. 

“Erm, I’m-that happens sometimes-I..sorry”, Harry stutters in reply before giving him a small thanks. 

Malfoy looks angry at Harry’s response. “Why the fuck would you apologize for that?” 

The raven-haired boy looks at him in surprise. “Uhm..” 

“I have them too...”, the blonde looks mortified at having told his ex-nemesis that but he holds his gaze with Harry anyway. 

“Right. Sorry”, is all Harry can think to say. 

“Don’t be” 

A tense, awkward silence fills the dorm and then suddenly flashes of the nightmare come back to Harry and he starts to sweat and shake. The room feels too hot all of a sudden and his breathing is coming in quick, short spurts. Just as Malfoy turns to go back to his bed Harry blurts out something unthinkable. 

“Wait!” 

The blonde whips around back to face Harry. 

“Excuse me?” 

Harry feels the color drain from his face only to be returned in full force of the brightest shade of red Malfoy has ever seen. 

“Nothing! Wait yeah-no I just-bloody hell...can-”, the Gryffindor struggles to find the right word mostly because of his ongoing panic attack. 

“Stay”, is what he settles for. He’s still shaking. 

Malfoy’s breath hitches. “What?”, the blonde’s voice is uncharacteristically small. 

“Stay”, Harry says again. “With me, I just. I mean if you don’t want to you obviously don’t have to. I just thought maybe it would help..with the nightmares. For both of us.” Harry thinks he’s finally gone mad and is considering actually jumping off the Astronomy Tower just for opening his own stupid mouth. 

The Slytherin is rendered speechless. Harry can see the million thoughts running through the boy’s mind on the blonde’s face. Harry’s worried he’s pissed the blonde off and if his demise is going to be by the end of the blonde’s wand or by his fists instead. 

“Okay” 

Harry’s going to get emotional whiplash at this point. His eyes widen comically and he can’t help the unhinging of his jaw. “Okay”, he echoes dumbly. 

Malfoy silently comes to Harry side and the brunette scoots unceremoniously over. The corner of the blonde’s mouth tilt up just a little. 

They both lay awkwardly beside each other for a while before the position becomes too uncomfortable for Harry and he has to turn over. He faces Malfoy because he can, and because maybe he wants to watch the blonde sleep. He notices that when Malfoy’s eyes are closed his features are much softer. His forehead is smooth of any angry wrinkles and his mouth is in a soft pout. 

“Stop being a creep Potter and go back to sleep” 

Harry feels his face turn beet red and he stutters out a denial but Malfoy’s eyes open and the blonde turns on his side to face him. Any word the brunette was going to say is lost. 

Malfoy is grinning cheekily, his grey eyes shining with mirth and Harry can see the specks of amber in the irises and Harry is blurting out something before he can stop himself. 

“Your eyes are really pretty”, and Harry gasps and claps a hand over his mouth. 

He sees the flush of pink rise to Malfoy’s pale face and Harry can’t help but think that that might be pretty too. The blonde’s cheeks are flushed and he sniffs before turning on his other side. 

Harry panicked, thinking the blonde would leave but let out a relieved breath when he didn’t. He stays laying on his side, and stares at the back of Malfoy’s head. The tips of the blonde’s ears are red and Harry subconsciously moves closer. 

“This doesn’t change anything between us Potter”, Malfoy says but there’s no bite in it. It makes Harry roll his eyes almost fondly. 

He hears the blonde sigh before he turns back over again. Harry is met with pretty, grey eyes once again. The blonde scoots an inch closer, their knees touching. Harry inhales sharply at the action. Malfoy looks like he’s trying to go for nonchalant and it makes the butterflies fluttering in Harry’s stomach come back only he lets them fly around for a bit. 

Soon they shift closer inch by inch and then their legs are tangled together and Harry’s head is tucked under Malfoy’s chin. The breath from Malfoy’s nose is tickling the top of Harry’s head. He’s got one arm thrown over Harry’s waist and other under Harry’s head. The raven-haired boy has both of his arms tucked between their bodies and his palm is resting on Malfoy’s chest, and he can feel the steady fast rhythm of it. Malfoy isn’t asleep yet. 

Harry, however, is exhausted and soon emerald eyes droop shut and just as he lets sleep embrace him, he thinks he hears Malfoy say something but then he’s asleep. 

“Your eyes are pretty too Potter, always have been”, Malfoy whispers to the unconscious boy. 

Harry dreams of cheeky grins and twinkling grey eyes. 

Neither have nightmares that night. 

\--- 

Weeks fly by and then it’s almost Christmas. 

Harry and Malfoy share a bed when either have nightmares. They don’t tell anyone and they don’t talk about it to each other either. 

The castle is lit with lights and actual fairies floating and glowing happily in the air. Harry is starting to feel like he may have some reasons to laugh again. He grins genuinely with Ron and Hermione now, and he hasn’t fought with Malfoy for a while now too. His stomach flops uncomfortably at the thought of that and he’s angry with the flush tickling his cheeks. 

He tends to avoid Ginny if he’s alone, he just doesn’t know what to say to her yet. He can see that she wants to talk to him or get him alone, her eyes shine and he can see the pink hue on her freckled cheeks when they accidentally make eye contact. His stomach feels nauseous with guilt and he hates himself for not giving her an explanation or a chance to talk but he’s just not ready. He doesn’t know when he’ll ever be. 

“Potter” 

Harry is brought out of his guilty thoughts by a voice he’s begun to be happy to hear. 

“Hey Malfoy”, Harry smiles. 

The blonde looked taken aback at the raven-haired boy’s pleasantries. “Right. I have an inquiry about the holidays next week”. Malfoy looks like he’s caught between running away or hexing Harry. This makes the brunette both nervous and amused, the confusing mix of emotions making him let out a short breathless laugh. 

“What’s up Malfoy?”, Harry is actually curious about what Malfoy wants to know. 

The blonde glares but it's filled with a friendly annoyance, “As I was saying, I have been pondering if you were going on holiday with the red horde”. Harry is close enough to Malfoy to shove him lightly at the blonde’s description of the Weasleys and he frowns. “Don’t call them that” The blonde scoffs and rolls his eyes. Harry glares “And no, I’m staying here.” 

At this the blonde’s eyes widen slightly and for once, Malfoy is at a loss for words. But the blonde quickly shakes it off and asks another question. “Why?” 

Harry looks at him, wondering why Malfoy wants to know anything that Harry does. So he asks him just that. 

Malfoy looks embarrassed and a red tint is kissing the apples of his cheeks, making Harry bite his bottom lip. He smiles and glances at Malfoy once more before looking away to respond. “I just wanted to stay. No reason.” Harry is lying, he’s staying because he doesn’t want to deal with Ginny and talking and guilt. 

The blonde huffs. “How boring. Well, I unfortunately have the pleasure of staying here as well” Harry grins and looks to the blonde to continue. “-and I suppose since the both of us are staying here we should make use the common room and the empty Hogsmeade-” 

Harry cuts him off with a laugh,”Malfoy are you asking me to spend Christmas with you?” His stomach is filled with violent fluttering and he welcomes it this time. 

The blonde is very red in the face and Harry realizes right in that moment, in the chilly fairy lit hallway, that Draco Malfoy had no one. He had no home to go back to. No one to send letters back to. No one to get gifts from. His heart suddenly felt like it was being squeezed painfully and he felt the tears in his eyes before he could stop them. Malfoy jumps and his eyes are wide with confusion and concern. 

“Merlin Potter! Are you crying? Do you hate the thought of spending one day with me so much it makes yo-” 

Harry cuts the blonde off with a bone crushing hug and then he’s sobbing into the blonde’s neck, soaking the thin material of his white uniform shirt. He feels the blonde flinch but ignores it. He doesn’t really know why he’s crying. Maybe the realization that Malfoy has no one and asked Harry because he’s lonely has something to do with it. Or it could also be the emotions Harry has been holding in for a very, very long time finally bursting out. 

The blonde is still very tense but he awkwardly hugs Harry back and pats the top of his unruly black hair. Harry giggles wetly at how very bad Malfoy is at comforting people. After several awkward minutes of Harry crying into the arms of Draco Malfoy, he finally stops and hiccups. 

“Yes” 

Malfoy looks at him in confusion. Harry thinks that’s the only way he’s been looking at him. “What?” 

“Yes, I will-erm-I want to spend Christmas with you”, Harry hiccups again only he’s smiling and his eyes are swollen and red but they’re shining with something, and Malfoy blushes when looking into them. 

“Right. Good to know.” 

Harry laughs. 

“Then, I will see you shortly Potter”, and Malfoy looks at him once more before walking away toward the Great Hall for dinner. 

Harry is looking forward to Christmas. 

\--- 

Ron doesn’t take Harry not coming back with them to the Burrow very well but he hugs Harry anyway and tells him that he better send him a gift to make up for it. Hermione rolls her eyes fondly and hugs Harry goodbye with a kiss on his cheek. 

The week of Christmas holiday is here and Harry is nervous but excited. There aren’t many students in his year who stayed behind. Only him, Malfoy, two Hufflepuffs, and Neville and Luna. 

He sighs contentedly at the empty common room and splays himself out on the large couch by the fire. He lays on his back with is arms resting under his head. Harry can begin to feel himself drift off, the warmth of the fire and the steady crackling lulling him into slumber. He feels something brush his forehead and furrows his eyebrows. He groans and opens his eyes. He sits up and squints at the figure walking away up toward the dorms. 

He sees a familiar head of platinum blonde hair and suddenly he’s very awake. 

“Malfoy!” 

The blonde flinches and jerks his head to him. He looks like he’s afraid of what Harry’s going to say which makes Harry tilt his head slightly. 

“What do you want Potter?” 

The brunette chuckles sleepily,”Nothing really. Do you want to eat dinner together?”. Harry isn’t as timid as he once was with asking Malfoy to do things with him. Crying into your former enemy’s robe will change things in a person. 

Malfoy’s mouth opens in surprise slightly before he sniffs and answers curtly. “Very well. Don’t be late”, and he turns and continues up the stairs. Harry’s smile is too big for that simple of a response, but he feels giddy regardless and this time he lets himself feel it. 

\--- 

They eat dinner in the Great Hall together. 

Neville and Luna are there too but they are also playing an odd-looking wizarding game that Harry is glad he wasn’t dragged into to. He chuckles at the sight. 

Harry notices Malfoy eats like it’s an art form. He cuts his food with knife with precision that looks like it took a lifetime of practice. He doesn’t let any of his food touch and he secretly loves pumpkin juice. He grins at the napkin Malfoy has in his lap that he can see from his spot beside him. He laughs when Malfoy summons one for his own lap. 

“You’re a pig Potter”, Malfoy says with a smile. 

Harry shrugs and returns the smile. 

After dinner they both walk around the empty castle together, careful to avoid any mistletoe that are most likely waiting for its next victim. Harry finds his face heat up at the thought. 

Harry shows him secret passageways he uses and might be a little smug when Malfoy looks impressed. 

After the impromptu tour they both decide to head up to the common room. Harry sits by the fire and waits for Malfoy to join him. After several seconds too long Harry looks toward the blonde who’s standing near the stairwell. Malfoy is looking at the fire with uneasy eyes and he’s biting his bottom lip hard enough to draw blood. 

The brunette is confused by the blonde’s actions before a sudden thought hits him and the realization feels as painful as an Unforgivable. 

Draco Malfoy is afraid of the fire. 

Harry knows why and wants to beat himself up for not noticing sooner. For not noticing how Malfoy never sits there if there’s a fire going, only when the embers burn lowly. How he’ll flinch when he passes by the torches lined along the walls. 

The fiendfyre. 

The raven-haired boy puts the fire out until only the embers are glowing. He can see the tension physically leave the blonde’s body and he stands up and walks toward Malfoy. He hugs him once again only this time the blonde doesn’t hesitate to hug back. 

Harry doesn’t say anything only brings the blonde toward the couch and sets him down. Malfoy isn’t looking at him and he can see the redness of his face. With the soft glow of the fairies twinkling around in the common, Harry can see the softness of Malfoy’s platinum hair. The redness of his cheeks makes the blonde look innocent and fragile. 

He thinks right in this moment that Draco Malfoy is beautiful. 

He inhales softly and reaches a shaking hand out toward Malfoy, he hesitates wondering if this will change everything or change nothing. He gathers that supposed Gryffindor courage, and cups the side of the blonde’s face and he hears Malfoy gasp before looking up quickly at Harry. His grey eyes are wide, sparkling with curiosity, fear, and something else Harry thinks he knows too well. 

“Potter. What are you doing?”, Malfoy’s voice is softer than a whisper. 

That’s the question isn’t it? What is Harry doing? Only he doesn’t have an answer for that, because he doesn’t know. He supposes he’s never known what he’s doing. 

He looks into the grey eyes of Draco Malfoy, seeing a young man who’s gone through just as much as Harry has, and decides that they aren’t much different from one another. He was the boy who lived and Malfoy was the boy who didn’t have a choice. 

Finally, Harry smiles and he knows his face is as red as the boy in front of him but he doesn’t care anymore. He leans toward the blonde and can see the flecks of amber in those grey eyes. Malfoy asks him another question, "Are you just being kind to me?”. Harry shakes his head and leans a bit closer. Malfoy doesn’t lean away but he narrows his eyes in distrust, "You can’t possibly fancy me?”. Harry blushes at the accusation and thinks maybe it’s not far off. He doesn’t respond. 

Malfoy huffs, "You can’t fancy me. That would make me weak.”. Harry just smiles and continues to lean in. At this, the blonde gasps when he can feel the breath of the other boys on his lips. The blonde asks the same question, only this time there’s a nervous excitement to his voice. 

“What are you doing Potter?” 

Harry pauses and grins, the softness in his emerald eyes hit Malfoy with a force that makes his eyes wet with emotion. 

“I’m making you weak”, and Harry kisses him.

**Author's Note:**

> should i continue this? there is a whole other chapter waiting if you think i should add a part two to this. kudos and comments help me live thenks uwu


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